Get Your Filthy Talons off Me, You Damn Dirty...

Dian Fossey was a respected naturalist known for her ground breaking work studying the mountain gorillas in Africa. She spent years living among these dangerous creatures many of which could have easily broken her small body in half. But these surprisingly gentle and loving animals accepted her and permitted her to make some of the most fascinating zoological discoveries of the last century. Her observations forced human beings to accept that we may not be alone in the ownership of what we call a soul.  While alone studying these surprisingly sentient beings she was murdered by poachers who also murdered her adoptive family of gorillas solely for the purpose of cutting off their hands and feet to be sold as souvenirs. It was a tragic end to a life dedicated to making a better world.

Well, the very same thing happened to me. Except it wasn't in Africa, it was outside a Starbucks. And I wasn't murdered by poachers I burned the roof of my mouth on coffee. And it wasn't mountains gorillas, it was a pigeon. 

What I observed on Tuesday at 2:45 pm may be hailed in future ornithological circles as one of the greatest discoveries of all time. I witnessed a common pigeon (columba livia) do something even human beings (homo sapien) have difficulty doing: This little pigeon with a french fry in its mouth waited for the light to change and then crossed the street with the other pedestrians. The little feathery bastard obeyed a traffic signal! Now, I don't want to impugn Dr. Fossey's research but we all pretty much suspected that most human males are about 8 beers away from masturbating in public and flinging our own feces at each other, so it's not that much of a stretch to imagine that gorillas are pretty smart too. But what I observed on that cold Tuesday afternoon made me completely rethink my policy on statue defecation. I now support it.